/random thought: family

So I was looking at my ex’s (rather, guy I went out with a couple times) brother’s Facebook — yeah, yeah, I know — because he just got out of the Navy. Now I know I’ve had a terrible track record in the men’s department (minus Nick, love you if you’re reading this!) but now I totally remember why I dated this guy, despite his somewhat loser qualities.

Family. 

Obviously, I didn’t date him because of this quality because I didn’t know it when I first met him, but as I got to know him I knew exactly where his heart and his priorities were at. It almost seemed as if his family was his world — and honestly, it was (and continues to be) one of the most attractive things I find in a man. He was middle of three brothers, and despite subtle age differences, they were each other’s best friends. I remember seeing him post things on his brother’s wall when he was away on deployment. “Hey buddy, I know we just talked yesterday, but I miss my bro. Hit me up if you get a chance, can’t wait to rage when you get back soon.” I always thought those were cute, just ‘cause I think it takes a lot for guys to express how they feel sometimes. I also remember him going away on the weekends to relax… just him, his brother, and his mom (who he always used to say was the best woman in his life). Like, he never had a problem turning away hangin’ with the bros to be with his family. They tried to eat dinner together every night, would go out to bars and concerts and everything together, and he was always, always enthusiastic about being there for them. 

And it’s not even that I don’t have a close relationship with my family. I do…my cousins are some of my best friends, my sister and I get closer and closer every year, but I do often feel like there’s this gap between the adults in my family and “the kids” in my family, which make it really difficult to be able to open up on that kind of level. Then Nick’s family is close…but not really…which makes me feel like that’s not really something he’s into which was a really big concern for me transitioning into a serious relationship, but still. Something’s just different about it.

There’s something so sweet and candid about that kind of love. It’s a quality that I aspire to have when I have a family of my own. I want my family to know how important it is to have each other, and to never take that for granted. I want to be a mom, but I also want to be a best friend, someone that’s there for them genuinely — no matter the circumstances. Obvi I don’t want to cross into the line of being “the cool mom” that gets taken advantage of, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I think friends are important to have in life, too, but there’s just something so special about that kind of family bond.

I really, really hope I can get there someday. 

@3 months ago